A conflict resolution and alignment building process

I recently wrote an article about understanding and handling conflict resolution. Conflict resolution is closely tied to building alignment, and that article grew out of my thinking about how the two are related. As a part of writing that I detailed out the process I use for both, but that article was not a place to share the gory details. Happily, I also have a blog, which is a great place for that kind of thing :)

Whether it’s a new project, a challenging situation, or a conflict of some sort to resolve, this is the general process I use to build alignment and resolve conflicts within and across teams. This may be compressed and informal, or extended and formal, depending on the scope of what I’m facing.

1. understand the situation – what is it, and how much alignment building is really needed
   1. get a general understanding of the situation
      1. what’s the history as well as the current reality
   2. figure out who’s involved
      1. any key relationships to be aware of
   3. look for opportunities to short-circuit the rest of this process (for small scale situations)
      1. is there a simple miscommunication that could be fixed?
         1. wrong communication
         2. confusing communication
         3. conflicting communication
      2. do people just need a third perspective?
      3. is this really an alignment problem, or just that someone needs to make a decision?
2. get people together for a real-time discussion
3. establish the rules of play
   1. get people on board with “disagree but commit”
   2. value everyone and all perspectives
      1. acknowledge emotions
   3. show respect
   4. acknowledge challenges / difficulties
      1. demonstrate understanding of the situation
      2. reference the history leading up to this
   5. discuss satisficing vs optimizing – the optimization trap; the bar can be set as high (or low) as we like, but the outcome just needs to surpass that bar, not to be perfect
4. identify/establish fundamental points of commonality, especially around values and broad goals
   1. articulate them and call them out; highlight good fit
   2. engage all participants
5. clarify the current and specific goal / outcome / problem; ensure common/shared understanding
   1. establish the boundaries – not trying to solve everything, there are important things that are not yet handled
   2. satisficing vs optimizing – what does success and alignment look like here, at least at a high level?
6. draw the line between the fundamental and the specific
7. provide context / framing for the specific
8. get people talking
   1. canvas points of view
      1. celebrate the value of each
   2. acknowledge differences
   3. determine which differences actually matter
      1. goal impact – how relevant is this for the goal
      2. internal people impact – what do people care about
      3. external people / business impact – what does this mean for the org
   4. resolve differences
      1. clarify and refine what a successful resolution looks like
      2. set the tone and framing for the discussion
         1. rational
         2. but also don’t completely devalue the emotional side of things
      3. get people on board with “disagree but commit”
      4. ideally come to a consensus
      5. if a consensus isn’t possible, make a decision
         1. explain your reasoning; get feedback and adapt as necessary
         2. acknowledge all input and demonstrate it’s value to you
         3. keep things moving
9. synthesize inputs into a shared outcome
10. share conclusion / plan, and how it is flexible / adaptive
    1. identify pre-set check points
    2. identify breakpoints / signal events
    3. identify channels for communication
    4. clarify process for revisiting and changing things
       1. also who would be involved and channels for future input
11. make sure conclusion is endorsed and supported
    1. “disagree but commit”
12. show appreciation for engagement
13. build energy for next steps